Monday, December 10, 2012

there is no ending

I don't know if I'll ever come back to this
but
I'm going to try something else.
http://minimalistthemediary.tumblr.com/
Here is a place for my complete thoughts,
to help me feel safe.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Letter To A Concerned Follower

Dear ______,
Feeling bad is fine,
but why this guilt?
I've been this close to death,
I've been closer,
but then why this guilt?

And tell me,
where did this shame come from?
Did it grow from a seed
like a tree
or like hemlock?
Was it buried in the earth
deep
like coal
or like a diamond?

Or did it come from me?


Sometimes I write these things to see who's still following
but I always seem to find myself alone
or in the presence of ghosts.

Love,
Jordan

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Copied from immaterial;
"Am I an artist yet?
Am I a genius?
Please tell me when it’s time
I’m waiting for one of you to treat me like some sort of child
king.
When will you see me for what I am?
When will you recognize me for my greatness?"

I boldly love myself so well,
clearly a satire, but still plainly truthful
because
something fired right in my head,
something painfully truthful because I still deserve something.
Will you coddle me like the child I am?
or will you leave me like the man I pretend to be?
Can you really leave me be in forest full of beasts?
really, can you?

Monday, January 2, 2012

毛毛

I don't want to scare you
skittish little animal but
I myself am scared for you.
I'm scared for myself.
If I let myself love you then I know
what will happen when you leave,
but what will happen to you?

If I hurt myself I can live,
but if I hurt you I don't think
I can.


The thing I'm going to miss the most
is your smell.

Come the 15'th
things are going to be rough.

Friday, December 23, 2011

God is Good

Jesus, I'm sorry, do you really read this?
Lord, why, I don't understand?
God, learn that this is another side of
Christ, it was bound to happen anyway.


I guess I picked a swell time to pick this thing back up.

the cool side

one side of the pillow smells like home
the other side, shame

the room reeks of frustration






Really, jesus fucking christ, I don't mind pleasing you but FUCKING RECIPROCATE OR LEAVE MY ROOM SO I CAN SLEEP.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Useless

devoured
molested
clutching a tit
isn't all it's cracked up to be
but you've left your mark

remorse
feels no emotions but remorse
now that it's been done
will you be a different person
one event can't change you
please let it change you
no remorse

spare the rod and spoil the cunt
make them feel your shame
pitiful motions back and forth
uninspired
remorse

you are devoured
you are molested