The mess inside

It's tough to see these things laid so plain
It's hard to see the me who feels this pain

It's sad to look back at who you've been
It's okay friend, you don't need for shame

there is no ending

I don't know if I'll ever come back to this
but
I'm going to try something else.
http://minimalistthemediary.tumblr.com/
Here is a place for my complete thoughts,
to help me feel safe.

Letter To A Concerned Follower

Dear ______,
Feeling bad is fine,
but why this guilt?
I've been this close to death,
I've been closer,
but then why this guilt?

And tell me,
where did this shame come from?
Did it grow from a seed
like a tree
or like hemlock?
Was it buried in the earth
deep
like coal
or like a diamond?

Or did it come from me?


Sometimes I write these things to see who's still following
but I always seem to find myself alone
or in the presence of ghosts.

Love,
Jordan

Copied from immaterial;
"Am I an artist yet?
Am I a genius?
Please tell me when it’s time
I’m waiting for one of you to treat me like some sort of child
king.
When will you see me for what I am?
When will you recognize me for my greatness?"

I boldly love myself so well,
clearly a satire, but still plainly truthful
because
something fired right in my head,
something painfully truthful because I still deserve something.
Will you coddle me like the child I am?
or will you leave me like the man I pretend to be?
Can you really leave me be in forest full of beasts?
really, can you?

毛毛

I don't want to scare you
skittish little animal but
I myself am scared for you.
I'm scared for myself.
If I let myself love you then I know
what will happen when you leave,
but what will happen to you?

If I hurt myself I can live,
but if I hurt you I don't think
I can.


The thing I'm going to miss the most
is your smell.

Come the 15'th
things are going to be rough.

God is Good

Jesus, I'm sorry, do you really read this?
Lord, why, I don't understand?
God, learn that this is another side of
Christ, it was bound to happen anyway.


I guess I picked a swell time to pick this thing back up.

the cool side

one side of the pillow smells like home
the other side, shame

the room reeks of frustration






Really, jesus fucking christ, I don't mind pleasing you but FUCKING RECIPROCATE OR LEAVE MY ROOM SO I CAN SLEEP.